27. Don’t neglect a bunch of crumbs in the seat of the stroller. Especially when the stroller is unoccupied and you’re out of doors, say at a park or aquarium or—anywhere outside, really. I did this. I neglected the crumbs Eloise left behind after devouring her carrot muffin. Actually, I wasn’t even aware of them, as they were under her bum for most of the strolling; but regardless, I did fail to check the seat when I released her for some much-anticipated toddling. Toddle, toddle . . . “Can my little girl who is half your size please play with this apparatus? No? Okay. Thanks for considering, you heathen.” Toddle, toddle . . . TIMBER! Toddle . . . [Eloise points to her stroller.] “You want to get back in the stroller?! Wow! You never willingly ask to re-enter the stroller!” [After much annoying cute talk, I actually glanced in the direction she was pointing, where I saw two pigeons hanging out in the stroller seat, reaping the rewards of Eloise’s novice eating skills. My eyes darted to another mom across the way. I made a frown face, and so did she.] “There were crumbs in the seat, I think,” I muttered, before she returned a look that very clearly said, “You aren’t too bright, are you?”
We went home about 1.5 minutes later (the time required to baby-wipe down the seat to rid it of pigeon cooties). Not too many pigeons here, thank goodness.